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I know... I know...

  • Thursday, April 29, 2010
  • Toya

  • So it has been quite a while since I have blogged. Life has been a bit crazy in the mad house. Occasionally I answer the phone, "house of chaos, how may I help you?" Since my last post, I have been to Disney World again. I did another photo shoot of an adorable little buddy, Austin. I made it through another anniversary of April 16 Virginia Tech massacre. I am less than a week away from my girls' cruise. I am going to see Pioneer Woman at a book signing on Tuesday. So, let's get started on catch up.

    1. Disney- This trip will definitely go down in the history books as a memorable trip. Brandi couldn't go so this meant Jeff and I got to take 3 kids and a toddler to Disney World. My mother went along for the fun. We could not have done this trip without her. The trip started off well. We arrived at our resort on Saturday morning only to find they didn't have a record of us booking even though I confirmed less than a week before. Jeff whipped out the confirmation and we were quickly handed room keys. We checked in extra early so mom, the kids, and I headed out to Walmart while Jeff slept. The vacation was off to a good start until Monday afternoon. While enjoying The Lion King show at Animal Kingdom a smell began to attack us that caused me to go blind for a short period of time. I'm pretty sure I lost nose hairs. It seemed to be coming, not from the baby but, from my 6 year old son. Of course he denied such things. So I did what any good mom would do. I blamed it on the people in front of us and secretly wondered what the heck they had been eating. After a short while I could no longer believe my precious little boy. I told him it smelled strangely as if he had pooped himself. THIS, he owned up to. Yep folks, that's right, my 6 year old son had pooped himself in Animal Kingdom. Perhaps he wanted to smell like the other animals on the safari. After looking for the hole to swallow me, I dragged my foul smelling offspring to the nearest bathroom. Once I calmed myself, I realized just how crowded that bathroom was. I turned to my son and instead of spanking him within an inch of his life (like my head said to do), I asked him if this happened because he was trying to pass gas. He hung his head in shame and admitted he had in deed done this. I accepted a swim diaper from my mom that she happened to have in the baby's diaper bag. (yea for my mother's need to over pack). While standing with my son while he "finished" the deed, I found myself gagging and wondering just what did I feed that boy and making a mental note to NEVER feed him that again. It suddenly occurred to me that the full bathroom was now very empty. My own mother had abandoned me to breathe in the toxic fumes coming from my youngest child. Once all done and cleaned up, he apologized for lying and pooping his pants. I accepted his apology and we finished the day with a smile. The next day, however, my 7 year old decided she didn't need to tell me she needed to potty. Instead she just did it in the back seat of my mini van and hid the evidence under a chair in the hotel room. Yeah, that went over like a ton of bricks when those clothes were found. What is wrong with my children and their bodily functions when they get to Disney World? My mother, meanwhile, was getting eaten alive slowly by something in her room. By the end of the trip we were pretty sure it was bed bugs. Nope, it turned out to be fleas. Someone before us broke the rules and brought in a dog. NOT COOL PEOPLE! There are rules against dogs in hotels for a reason and this is it. On the way home my sweet little nephew was happily eating KFC when he gagged and projectile vomited all over himself, the car seat, the floor, and the door. Yep, time to seriously detail the mini van. We pull over at the next gas station in South Carolina. While my mother and Jeff ran around searching for towels and soap to clean up the mess, I took the gross little toddler out of the car to clean him off. He was soaked all the way to his diaper. I stood him up outside the van to strip him. I immediately got attacked by sand fleas. I am swatting sand fleas and stripping sweet Jamie when he decided this was the perfect time to show me his new trick. He can make himself pee. He gave me the cutest smile and tilted his pelvis forward and began to spray the ground. I am half laughing and half yelling at him to stop it while trying to swat the attack of the killer fleas and clean up vomit and hold on to the wizzing naked 16 month old. My mother and Jeff come around the corner to see me desperately holding on to said naked child when he decided to now splash in the puddle he has created. OMG I would pay money to have a video of that moment. My mother is laughing and Jeff is mortified that Jamie is dancing naked in urine. Yep, down in history...

    2.Will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm going to bed.


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